03 March 2009

Blurts

I get the most random things blurted to me by people I hardly know. This has been going on since I was a little girl. I would sit there as calmly as I could as marital woes were told to me. No, I'm not kidding. I'd put on my highest level of maturity, which, at 3 years old, was simply crossing my legs. I'd gently pat the hand of the confessor, then lend some really sage words, like, "I'll get you a Kleenex."

I mean, my friends pretty much tell me everything. I am a TMI-free zone. But, you expect that from friends. Even friends of friends...especially if there's wine involved. It's those that I only know in passing that slay me.

A parking garage attendant, whom I had only "known" for a few weeks, and a few days per week at that, told me one morning about his mother dying when he was a teenager, what she said to him before she died (a little too personal to repeat), and how he hoped she would be proud of him. It was an achingly dear confession. I was a touched that he felt he could spill it to me. He wasn't a terribly talkative man with his broken English. Prior to that, we merely said hello or good morning, noted how hot it was already for that early in the day, or how long I would be staying at my clients' so he would know where best to move my car. That day, I was late for a meeting, but stood there for the ten minutes it took him to tell me his tale. It would be impossible (and slightly inhuman) to walk away from something like that. When he was done, he looked as though he had lifted a huge weight from his shoulders. We smiled and parted. We went back to our friendly hellos and weather discussions after that, but now as better friends.

There was the mean-girl friend of a friend whom, while slightly drunk at my friend's sister's baby shower, admitted to me that she had never had an orgasm. Ever. Which so explained her sour mood. I put my arm around her and suggested that she spend some quality alone time figuring it out. She was much nicer to me after that.

A colleague of mine, whom I just recently met, told me within five minutes of meeting him that his newborn son was, "already hung like a 5 year old!" I know, right? We are going to work so well together! And can you imagine the inappropriate tangents we'll take during meetings? Feel bad for the other people at the table.

My friend's virgin groom came up to me three times at the reception to tell me how much he was looking forward to the honeymoon. No, really, he just couldn't wait. Seriously, just a few more minutes and they could leave. Poor bastard got himself so worked up, he couldn't perform at all that night. He didn't tell me that, though. She did.

Today, though, kind of took the gold in the random Olympics. I made a quick run to Gelson's for some Liquid Plumr and vegetarian sushi and had one of my regular cashiers. I've been going to this grocer for nearly 15 years, and have "known" this particular guy for at least 3 if not 5. We always do the friendly chitchat. Roll our eyes at the annoying person in front of me. Talk about the importance of a good reusable bag. But today, he gave me this random blurt: "You know that button you push on your gear shift to move it from gear to gear? Well, mine sticks. I have to hit it the top of the handle to get it to pop out again. What do you think that's about?"

Dude, I have no idea.

3 comments:

Melanie said...

By the way, and very off topic is the word verification for this comment. "okilit" Actually, when I think about it, it is not that off topic as it is somewhat of a a blurt, huh? Okay, hell I lit too.

On the topic of the post. Though I don't know you personally, I have to guess you have the kindness gene. The one that puts people at ease. The world could stand a few more people like you.

Deidre said...

That would totally freak me out.

Strangers often get in my physical bubble with seemingly no problems at all - people will come up and rub my arms on street corners, or pick me up flip me around in bars, or pick me up and start carrying me away.

I think I'd prefer the oversharing ;)

RUAWAKE said...

Mel, I love that you read the word verification as "OK, I Lit", when I saw it as "Oh, Kill It". LOL. I appreciate the compliment, but I'm not sure everyone I know would agree on the kindness gene (you should see me with cab drivers in LA...seriously, they can never find my house and I live at an intersection...on a major street). I think I just have one of those faces. A face that makes people get Tourettes.

Deidre, I would so much rather remain Sister Confessional than be molested such as you. Jeebus. Darling, there's no way you can deny being physically attractive. I guess it's not all it's cracked up to be in some circumstances.

xoxoxo to you both.