Undoings

There are days where I feel like I am a tire just spinning in the mud. Getting nowhere fast. Making a mess of things. Oh, it's not all that gloomy, but you know what I mean. Just nothing is clicking, working, moving forward, or even moving back. Beige. Bland. Blah. Today was beyond off.

First, I worked until three ayem, trying to extract some corporate writing out of me. That's sort of like painting the Mona Lisa with my left hand instead of my right. It's painful, unnatural. But, it must be done. Sigh. Even after a Starbucks, I had nothing in me. I should've sucked it up and went to the gym. I should've just started the day normally, no matter how late it actually began. Lesson learned. I don't know why I kept thinking I can live it both ways (vampire nights and productive mornings). I'm just going to have to put the world on notice: I'll get there when I get there.

After a few false starts, I finally stalled. Even the most simple things became productions. For example, my appliances have turned against me.

My oven's never really worked, my microwave is inconsistent with the popcorn (which is likely a sign from God that I should be eating celery instead...though celery doesn't go quite as well with M&Ms), and now my refrigerator took its final crap. I woke up the day before Thanksgiving to find my soy milk was ice milk. I've kept a bare cupboard ever since, which is neither good for my pocketbook or waistline when everything is being delivered. (I'm waiting for my shrimp-only pad thai right now.) I finally got the call that the "new" one was on it's way and I went to work clearing the contents and taking off the magnets and clips that cover mine. What? I like a bit of collage art.

Right when the dudes were due, I got a call from my manager. "Sandra, I'm sorry, but you do not want that refrigerator. I should've taken a look at it when they brought it out of storage. There's just no way I could send that over to you." It must've been truly gagrific because she could barely get the words out. It will be another few days before anything else is done. I see a lot of deli in my future. The magnets and clips lay in a pile on my dining room table and I feel compelled to drink the splash of vodka re-chilling in my freezer.