The Lengths I Will Go

I bought my first package of recycled toilet paper yesterday. I gag a little whenever I think of the phrase "recycled toilet paper". It's just gross. I, like most women, am a total toilet paper snob. So, while I will buy recycled paper towels (the 365 brand at Whole Foods is the best because it comes in half-sheets with little hearts embossed on it, so what's not to love), and biodegradable detergents and non-chlorine non-bleach, organic soaps and shampoo, I can only take my ecological efforts so far. Thus far, that has not included "feminine" supplies (nor will it), or recycled TP. Until I stood in the aisle staring at the $2.99 double-roll 4-pack of environmentally conscientious bathroom tissue.

I stared at it for a long time. I looked at the options. Seventh Generation's was a whopping $4.69. Hell, if I'm going to spend that kind of money, I might as well get Charmin or Northern...stuff that hasn't been used before. No. That was quickly ruled out. The 365 brand was also $2.99, but had a lesser sheet count (yeah, I really do look at that stuff....eight months of unemployment will change a woman) than the brand (whose name I can't even recall, outside of "environmentally sound packaging") I ended up getting...but only after I squeezed it to see if I could gain a sense of its softness.

I couldn't.

But, I bought it anyway. Why? Because I was too fucking lazy to walk two stores down to CVS and get real toilet paper, that's why. Really. Can you fucking believe that one, people? No. Neither can I.

Let me further articulate the situation. My Whole Foods is in a semi-gentrified mini-mall. It houses (from South to North) a laundromat, the aforementioned Whole Foods, a 99¢ Store and a CVS. Now, my Whole Foods is the size of the Super Dome, so it's quite a walk over to the CVS. And that CVS is tiny, and still kind of grungy, but has the basics, including real toilet paper.

So, I stood there in the Whole Foods aisle of all things recycled, including things that really shouldn't be, and weighed my options: Dump my groceries in the car and walk over to CVS and get the super ultra Northern at nearly $1.25 per roll, or save myself a few steps and two bucks and buy the recycled crap.

How lazy am I?!?

Well, to my credit, I got up at 7:30, had my shower, sorted laundry, took it over to the 'mat (not the one by WF, because that one still kind of skeeves me out...all laundromats do, but I would rather get three loads done in one hour, so I suck it up and pretend I'm not really there) and got petrol for the week. So, by the time I got to Whole Foods, it was just after ten, and I had my whole day ahead of me. I just wanted to get home to my French press of French roast and the chocolate croissant I splurged on (because my uterus wanted it and she tends to get want she wants...it just makes life much easier not to argue with her, trust me).

Recycled toilet paper seemed like a cheap price to pay for that.

(I'll let you know how it goes. I'm making my half-roll of the really good stuff last as long as possible. Why do I do this to myself? Really. I would love some insight here.)

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And so, I should probably explain my four-month absence from the blog, especially since I promised so much and it is its last year, and to just toss a good third of it away kind of deserves an explanation.

I don't have one.

Sorry. But just being burnt out doesn't seem to hold water. Being busy with a job rather than doing the work I want doesn't really breed fodder for this forum. Spending every weekend writing for someone else's project leaves little left over for myself. Ideas whir about in my head, then evaporate before I can log in here.

There's a lot I want to say, but can't right now. There's a lot on the line and a lot on hold and I desperately want to share, but I'm afraid it would make it all go away. I know. Could I be more vague? I'm sure I could, but how annoying would that be? Or annoying-er. Whatever. There is more to say here. Really, there is. I just need to free myself from a few more strings, and then I can really let it all fly.

xo

Smoke Gets in Your Area Code

The joke is that California does have four seasons, but they are: Earthquake, Fire, Riot and Mudslide.

It's Fire season, people.

When the Santa Ana winds kick in, all bets are off. I think we'd be better off just staying in. That's my preference. Heat, rain, snow, bitter cold; I can take all of those happily, with a hair flip and smile. Wind annoys me. It's rude, difficult and unforgiving. There's no hairstyle that can survive the Santa Ana's (though, I have to say, the Brazilian Blowout does a good job of it...because all it can be right now, a week after doing it, is be pin-straight). Let's not even get into the whole static situation. It's so not the best part. Lotion. Hairspray. No matter the trick or remedy, it only gets you so far.

Because the winds are multi-directional, crap easily bypasses your sunglasses and attacks your contacts, which remain dry no matter how much you blink. Then there is all the other shizzle being blown about, going right up your sinuses, which become irritated making your eyes red, cutting the ribbon on the sneeze-fest. All in all, it makes for quite a look.

Driving in to Malibu on Monday was an adventure. The winds were so strong, I felt like I was in a scene from Twister. Because the Santa Ana's were blowing over the mountains, I wasn't sure what would fly out at me next. I got used to the branches, of all sizes, being hurled at me. I was keeping an eye out for a Smart Car, though. And the trucks. We were all having a tough time driving a straight line. Amazingly, what the winds did blow over was all the smoke from the Lake View Terrace/Porter Ranch fires. That area is a good forty-five miles east of Malibu, and countless zip and area codes away. Mother Nature is a powerful broad.

When Malibu smells like campfire, people grow uncomfortable. Me included. As the smoke cast the glow of sunset in the sky (and it was barely eleven ayem at the time), we started checking the news sites regularly to be sure there weren't any fires in our neck of the woods. After all, Nick Nolte's caught ablaze last week, and for no good reason. Anything was possible. Fires don't necessarily come in threes here; more like they come in dozens.

Fortunately, we were in the clear, so to speak. We had a hard time breathing from the thick-ash air, but looked good under the amber glow of the smoky sunlight filter. The winds remained relentless. Something I would enjoy at home, on the sofa, watching an old movie. Not so much at work. I did my best to tune it all out, send my good vibes to our tireless firefighters, pray for those whose homes are at risk or were consumed.

Eight-point-five hours later, I left the office. The winds were gone. The air was still. The skies were calm. The glow was actually coming from the sunset, though the smoke was still in the air. And the ash was in my car. Tilted moonroof. Amazing how much junk can float through that little crack. Fugme.

As I drove home on PCH, I admired the full moon's glow on the water below, so much more serene than it was that morning. The scent of campfire still in the air. Usually a comforting aroma instead marking another of nature's tragedies. Wildfire. Heartbreaking and scary, reminding us that no matter how powerful or in control we think we may be, Mother Nature can quickly prove us wrong. All of us.

The Easy Way

I got an email from an Australian friend of mine in which he told me of the skyrocketing price of beer there. It seems the government is trying to curtail Aussie drinking by levying taxes. A case of decent American beer (and I do realize some will call that an oxymoron), costs $60-70 US. Crikey.

While I shudder to think of my martini being taxed, maybe those Aussies are on to something. What if we put a tax on fast food? Look at all the crap we Americans eat, leading us to those fuller figures, health concerns, diseases and all-around cruddy quality of life. What would be so wrong with a trans fat tax?

I can hear you now, ACLU. That would be robbing the people of their inherent right to clog their arteries. I hear others saying it would hurt the underprivileged who are in need of affordable food. And the underprivileged sector is rapidly growing here. We can’t afford gas, we can’t afford our homes, we can’t afford our food...and we can’t afford to keep this up much longer.

Considering where we are at economically, I’ve been wondering how we, the typical American citizens, can turn this around. Or can we? Because the changes required would take massive effort. Then it occurred to me that we don’t like to do anything hard, do we? Perhaps the biggest problem we have in America, as Americans, is that we tend to choose the easy way. Right or wrong, good or bad, as long as it’s easy, quick, less hassle, that’s the route we’ll take. And, who can blame us? We are overworked, underpaid, undereducated, in debt, out of shape, overweight, and in desperate need of a vacation. But that’s also the cost of the easy way of life we strive for.

If we want it and can’t afford it, we charge it. If we are hungry and don’t want to deal with pots and pans, we can drive up to a window and order. If we are done with something, we don’t bother to think about the landfills. And why does one need to recycle when some needy individual will root through the trash to get that nickel? We don’t consider that what goes into our food may not be healthy for us because, surely, the government would never allow something harmful to be used. We don’t bother exercising or eating less because, any moment now, they are going to come up with an anti-fat pill. And, if not, there’s always surgery.

Look at the ads on television today. It’s almost all pharmaceutical. Like a pill or a shot is the answer to all that ails us...then you hear the side effects. I especially like the ones that may cause cancer...or death. It’s nutty. And, with all the controversy over immunizations and the potential (or likely) link to autism, I just don’t understand is this push to vaccinate young girls against cervical cancer. A shot — which may or may not have been researched as thoroughly as it should be, especially considering how it’s going into still developing young females and the few HPV strains it protects against — we are being told, is a good thing and you are a bad parent if you don’t do it. Really? What about giving these girls a shot of awareness, self-esteem and the empowerment to protect their health across the board instead? Herpes, HIV and other STDs are still rampant. Besides, there is another cheap, easy and reliable solution: A condom.

It’s all about choices. And sometimes those choices are simple, yet people feel the need to complicate them.

I had a conversation with a very concerned woman who kept herself up at night wondering about paper or plastic. “Seriously?” I asked her. She nodded. It turns out that she got great anxiety at the grocery store when she was asked that question and didn’t know the right answer. I looked at her, unable to hide my consternation. “How about buying some reusable bags,” I offered. Oh, but she’d just forgets those. No, she would much rather worry than create a solution. Repeat after me: She is sofa king wee todd dead.

Reusable bags are the wave of the future, folks. I love them. I have the fabulous 99¢ Trader Joe’s bags (six of them) and have added two chic Gelson’s bags and a huge Staple’s shopper to the bundle. At first, it was hard to remember to bring them into the store. I would often have to run to my car while the cashier checked me out to grab them. But, now it’s a habit. On the odd occasion when I forget to return the bags to my auto, where I keep them for convenience, I just cough up the cash and buy new ones (hence the Gelson’s additions). And, don’t hate me for saying this, but I think stores should start charging you if you do want paper or plastic. I know, I’m a crazy lady. But what else do you think would entice our society as a whole make that needed change?

I hear you again, ACLU. We have a right to pollute the environment. I get it.

Still, it’s the easy way of doing things has gotten us where we are. And now things are getting harder each day. Change is needed. And I have to make some as well.

While I don’t have a hybrid, I feel I am doing my part by recycling my 2000 Jetta every day. She’s due for service; time for brakes, oil change, etc. The dealership is nice enough to drive me home, but not nice enough to pick me up again when the car is ready. Usually, I politely impose on a friend to fetch me as a favor. This time, though (and for the first time in my life), I’m going to take the bus.

I’m not a mass transit fan. I prefer taxis when I am in New York. I think most Californians have a healthy reluctance to going underground. We also have a bad habit of being alone in our cars when we commute, hence our crappy traffic. And, after having to take the bus to school as a kid, I’ve learned not to like them. Remember the bus from the movie “Speed”? Yeah, that’s the bus line that serves my hood. But, I’m going to suck it up and get on the bus. I have to admit my hesitance. I’m not always excited about the unknown. But finding a way around that will ease some of the burden on traffic (and friends) is something I need to consider.

And now, I’ll get off my soapbox. I don’t mean to bash US. I only wonder when we are going to wake up to our complicity and responsibility. Because until we make changes, big changes, things are likely to get much, much worse. And the biggest change we need to make is to get really pissed at our government for putting the rights and profits of corporations ahead of its citizenry. But, fortunately for them, they know that we are too overworked, underpaid, undereducated, in debt, out of shape, overweight, and in desperate need of a vacation to really take them to task. They have it easy.