26 September 2008

What Do I Want?

There's nothing more annoying than standing in the middle of the kitchen thinking, "What do I want?" Or at the video shop holding a stack of DVDs muttering, "What do I want?" Holding up the rest of the bar rhetorically asking the mixologist, "What do I want?"

Sometimes the answer comes. Sometimes a friend fills in the blank. Sometimes what you end up with is a bit of a let down. Sometimes, you figure it out only after it's too late. But, usually, the question just lingers. Endlessly. Like someone else's flatus. And it's as annoying, confusing and stomach-churning as that.

I've found that it's easier to define what I want by articulating what I don't want. Addition by way of subtraction, if you will. Quite frankly, I don't want any BS. This is why I'm still single and have such a *stellar* career.

Every day, I find myself asking, "What do I want?" Maybe I'm asking about life, or what I will be getting from the grocery store. Generally, I get to the nugget by pushing away what doesn't do it for me. Over time, that process has evolved, and now I'm getting better at seeing what I actually do want. Finally. Took me fricken long enough.

So, to put it quite simply...

I want to stay up late, call my own shots, love all-consumingly, laugh too loudly, eat right, exercise 'til it hurts so good, create create create, learn to paint and sculpt, live in Ireland, learn Italian in Tuscany, eat Oreos in Kyoto, be a good friend, improve my vegan cooking skills -- especially in the dessert arena, take up falconry, knit a bitchin' blanket, drink Absinthe and not go bat shit (a phrase I keep hearing in reference to the beverage, which kind of keeps me from trying it), duet with Bono, have lunch with Dominick Dunne, make my grandfather proud, let my dreams come true instead of wondering if they will, have Chuck paint me, hold my headstand in yoga longer, learn to play the guitar, harp, cello, or all of the above and swim with the dolphins again and again and again. I don't really want a lot. Just the best parts. The BS can be used to fertilize the flowers.

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