Nice Genes

I saw on the AP wire that gene testing is on sale. Now, I won't spend more than $75 on denim (I'm super effing cheap sometimes), but, for the price of an iPhone (the expensive one that works), I can have my DNA spun and a tale of my ancestry and potential diseases told. And I so want to do it! (Wondering what to get me for Christmas? A gift certificate to 23andMe would be lovely. Thank you.)

You have no idea how this fascinates me. I don't geek out on much, but DNA makes me want to don a pocket protector. I've often considered my gene pool a murky swamp, what with my asthma, allergies, Epstein-Barr, the ulcers that healed only to morph into severe gastritis (I preferred the three ulcers)...the list goes on. We haven't even tackled what "runs" in my family that I have so far avoided. Surprisingly, even with all I've got going on, I function sans meds (if you saw my allergy panel, you would think they would have moved me into a plastic bubble), sans caffeine, too (except for the trace amounts in my organic green tea; the EBV is back under control). I'm kind of an anomaly. I've stumped my doctors more than once. So, health-wise, I would love to get a full panel on what made me who I am today, and what I might want to keep an eye out for tomorrow. An ounce of prevention and all that.

I know a fair chunk of my lineage, but I'd like to get the rest of the story. I know I come from a strong beer drinking lot (that would be the English and German strands of my DNA already determined through other sources). I assume from my love of champers there's a bit of Gaul to go along with my gall. I wouldn't doubt some Russian as well, as my penchant for the vodka might hint. I was already told by a Belfast man that, if I were Irish, I would come from a Scottish clan of horse thieves who fled to Ireland to avoid prosecution (i.e., death). That sounds about right and would explain my love of men in kilts, a death-inducing allergy to horses (call it karma), and why I feel so safe in Dublin. Love of Guinness would equally be accounted for by my aforementioned beer-drinking roots mixed with taste-bud evolution.

Do I buy into this wholeheartedly? No. It's right up there with getting my astrology chart done, my handwriting analyzed or my palm read. Being a California chick, I'm into all that. It's meant to be fun. Any insight is a bonus. Enjoy the parts that fit, blow off the rest. Still, I'm hoping for a big DNA reveal. Like being a part of a royal bloodline. I think tiaras are fabulous and would like an excuse to wear one all the time.